The Neurotransmitter Constellations
The story behind the collection
Me at the park with my family during the summer before third grade, 1984.
In the third grade, I had my first anxiety attack. I was eating my strawberry oatmeal before school and back then, it was terrifying as I had no idea what was happening to me. Nothing precipitated it; I had a happy childhood and a loving, supportive family. I kept it to myself; I thought there was something wrong with me.
Since then, I have been on a lifelong journey to understand how anxiety operates in my mind and throughout my body. I have tried ignoring it, making jokes about it, and pushing it away. None of this worked. Then, about five years ago, I finally gave in and asked for help. I found a therapist and mindfulness practice around the same time. Since then, I have learned a lot about myself, my unique biochemistry, and my mental habits.
Dad making my wedding rings and me “helping” in his jewelry shop, me sporting his welding goggles, 2014.
This mental health and mindfulness journey led me to an epiphany in the parking lot of the Providence Cancer Center in Portland, Oregon. I was waiting for my dad on a crisp fall day in 2021. He was undergoing chemo and radiation treatment for throat cancer.
I am close with my dad, who is also an artist – a jewelry designer. I was feeling a lot of things that day, including anxiety and stress. I had heard a lot about serotonin and its role in anxiety. Exasperated, I looked up serotonin on my phone as I waited, needing to learn more about this neurotransmitter that was having such a profound impact on my life.
My sketchbook from the parking lot of the Providence Cancer Center with my initial concept for the neurotransmitter constellation collection, October 2021.
I found the National Library of Medicine’s PubChem database, a public collection of information about chemicals. It includes 2-D renderings of chemical structures. I searched for serotonin, and the database showed me the structure.[1] I thought to myself, this looks like a constellation in the night sky. I grabbed my sketchbook and drew it on my dot-grid paper. I sketched until my dad came back to the car, ready to go home.
Since then, I have expanded my quest to understand the effects of anxiety on my mind and body. I began to read more about neurotransmitters, what they do, and how they work. According to The Cleveland Clinic, “Neurotransmitters are chemical messengers that our bodies can't function without.”[2] They help regulate mood and other essential functions. And while their specific roles in mood regulation is a matter of some debate, we do know that they are key to many of our essential human functions.
A year later, I created this collection: five ink-and-watercolor illustrations that portray these so-called “happiness hormones”[3] – neurotransmitters serotonin, dopamine, epinephrine, beta-endorphin and oxytocin – as constellations of stars in a night sky. That sky is nebulous, like our own emotional and mental landscape so often is.
My Serotonin Constellation illustration, in watercolor, handmade oak gall ink and calligraphy. Art prints available in my shop.
Me and my dad singing "Daddy's Little Girl" at my 3rd grade choir concert, 1984.
Nearly 40 years after my first anxiety attack in third grade, I have learned how to manage it. For me, that means a combination of meditation, therapy, exercise and medication. It also includes talking about it openly, to reduce the shame and stigma it brings.
I also know that anxiety is extremely common. According to an analysis by the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in July 2022, more than 36% of the US adult population is currently experiencing anxiety at some level.[4] This is likely an undercount, especially for those who experience social stigma to mental health challenges, including people of color.
My hope is that through this collection you may join me in seeing these neurotransmitters as I now do, beautiful and mysterious, and with a spirit of curiosity.
And if you are experiencing anxiety or depression, please ask for help. I am so glad I did. There are some resources below to get you started.
For more information
National Institute of Mental Health, Anxiety Disorders anxiety resource page
For information on what anxiety is, and how it can impact us: NAMI Alliance on Mental Health
NAMI helpline for people or their families with questions or concerns (800-950-NAMI or text 62640).
The information provided should not be used for diagnosing or treating a health problem or disease, and those seeking personal medical advice should consult with a licensed physician. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health provider regarding a medical condition.
Materials used in this collection
Blick Premier 100% cotton watercolor paper block, cold press
Tube watercolor paints from Winsor & Newton, Artist’s Watercolor and Van Gogh
Iron-gall ink I made from Oregon White Oak galls harvested from an ancient tree in my Portland, Oregon backyard (not for sale yet but look for it in the shop in fall 2023!) Here is a short video of the ink-making process.
Hand-lettered calligraphy, iPad Air, Apple Pencil and Procreate.
Buying art supplies from some of the links above support me by generating a small affiliate fee for each purchase at no additional cost to you. Thank you for your support!
References
[1] “Serotonin compound summary,” PubChem, National Library of Medicine, National Center for Biotechnology Information, September 16, 2004, updated march 4, 2023. Accessed March 6, 2023, https://pubchem.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/compound/5202.
[2] “Neurotransmitters: What They are, Functions and Types,” Cleveland Clinic, March 14, 2022. Accessed March 6, 2023. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/22513-neurotransmitters.
[3] Crystal Raypole, “Happy Hormones: What They are and How to Boost Them,” Healthline, July 5, 2022. Accessed March 6, 2023, https://www.healthline.com/health/happy-hormone
[4] Zablotsky B, Weeks JD, Terlizzi EP, Madans JH, Blumberg SJ. “Assessing anxiety and depression: A comparison of National Health Interview Survey measures".” National Health Statistics Reports; no 172. Hyattsville, MD: National Center for Health Statistics. 2022. DOI: https://dx.doi.org/10.15620/cdc:117491.
